2012 : Year of the Honey Badger

2012 is not going to be the end of Earth as we know it. We all know it, but getting people all scared and sad about an extinction level event makes them want to buy stuff. Another side effect is people wanting to be on the right side of the field when everything goes down.

While it won’t be the end of the world, the apocalypse, or the return of In Living Color (Which would be earthshatteringly awesome for me), it may be the beginning of the end of bipartisanship in the US. Which would be as badass as ILC returning.

The republican debates and candidates have been less than stellar. Instead of being a race of ‘Who is the best?’ it’s more a race of ‘How long can I go without effing something up?’ Herman Cain and Rick Perry being the latest to bow out on account of groping and alienating, respectively. I will hold my opinions of each of the candidates, because it isn’t the focus for this post, but I will say that none of the candidates (Obama included) are at the top of my list.

I am reluctant to like any of them because, as American politics in election season is, polarizing is the name of the game. Such behavior isn’t really what the public needs, but it sure gets votes. Us-versus-them mentalities only create neverending pissing matches, and that makes everything soggy and smell bad.

Unfortunately for everyone, dominating US parties both have some good ideas, but miss the mark in an effort to garner a stronger, rabid, more volatile voter base. I would hope that our lawmakers and leaders are prepared to stop using this as a campaign/support tactic, and instead try to get everyone unified to get something done. To change something instead of aiming for a seat in office.

That just makes me wish that politics, like the news, were actually about the subject instead of magicking up a story to gain support. That is, I wish that serving the American public was the focus of our lawmakers as opposed to duping them. I can’t speak on all lawmakers and elected representatives, that’s for sure. However, it sure does seem like the current climate, and I would like to see this change as things continue to erode.

Ultimately, I would like this time to be what is in addiction referred to as ‘rock bottom’. That is, everything is so effed up globally that people sort of stop resisting progress and a future and start working to move forward. I would like to see folks realize that getting all pissed about homosexual couples being recognized by the state, or claiming that their deity knows best, is not productive. Hopefully, it would get us to shut the eff up about talking points, and start to educate themselves about issues that affect them and the globe at large.

I would also hope that the perceived Mayan end of the world spurs a sense of unity. Like in the movies when a plane seems like it’s going to go down, and then everyone gets busy. Sadly, because so much of ‘end of days’ talk is wrapped up in holy bookness that it would be difficult for clashing beliefs to understand they are talking about the same things.

Before this gets any longer, I wish you make 2012 the best dang year ever. Party like it’s 1999.

Breaking : Anonymous is Angry About Megaupload

This week will live in digital infamy.

First, one of the greatest co-ordinated web protests cropped up in opposition of SOPA/PIPA. SOPA, PIPA, and the protest/petition each have their historic value; stricter, destructive measures to protect copyrights and introduce web-wide censorship, and an impromptu digital force that actually appears to have had an impact.

Comparing that to the weeks Occupy protesters spent trying to get folks to listen, it looks like the web wins.

Whether they are your allies or enemies, Anonymous is dropping giants today like flies. Upon the shutdown of popular file sharing hub Megaupload, a volley of DDoS attacks pounded government agencies and commercial giants.

DDoS attacks against the US Department of Justice, MPAA, RIAA, US Copyright Office, have been confirmed so far. Sites that are back up and functioning are having trouble, and are sluggish at best. It doesn’t look like Anonymous is letting up either.

This is possibly the most immense, wide-spread attack in the short history of the internet.

An argument against the actions of anonymous points to a slippery legal slope this could set internet upon. The assumption is vying for control of the internet based upon copyright violations has not been enough, but actions like this would give recourse to seek control grounded in sentiments of safety and security. That is, if Anonymous can do it, anyone can.

And if there is one thing that appears to be characteristically American, it would be the pre-emptive strike.

First SOPA/PIPA, now Anonymous on a rampage. We’ll have to see how this all plays out, and if Anonymous and internet users will make history.

Edit : Their pastebin post seemed a little childish, but then again… I don’t know. Stuff.

Found Something Good?

What I learned from the SOPA/PIPA Blackout

As three of your may have noticed, I blacked out Ironclad Illogica in solidarity with others protesting SOPA/PIPA. If you don’t know what it is, the answer is here. I’ll wait.

Now that you’re up to speed, let’s get down to brass tacks. To say the internet is a powerful tool would probably be the greatest understatement ever written. It has connected the globe in ways we could not have imagined, provided a new global market, and been a cat spouting fountain of information for those willing to learn search heuristics. I could go on, but I don’t want the internet to get a fat tube.

Now, I’m not going to go too nuts on what could happen if this passes. I will say that pirating is not so bueno, but it won’t go away if SOPA/PIPA becomes law. What will happen is some folks will potentially get dinged for really silly stuff. Searching google for an image of a movie poster, and putting it on your web page could get you shut down. Best part? Without any hope of seeking legal recourse, and conceivably without warning. That’s pretty ridiculous.

Now that I’m all worked up from typing that last paragraph extra hard to exercise my displeasure, here are some things I learned from the blackout :

1. In America, the only way to spur real political action is to use the internet. I am stoked that the global reaction was enough to show key supporters that this was a bad idea. That’s pretty freaking cool. And nobody got pepper sprayed, I think. Which is a plus.

2. The internet is seen as an untapped market… and product. Though web marketing and commerce are certainly alive and well, it is not owned and controlled. I saw references to the internet still being the ‘wild west’ in several posts yesterday from some rabid opponents of SOPA/PIPA. In a very real way, this is true. Pioneers headed west and bore the elements, disease, and oxen dying fording rivers. They were virtually ungoverned, and they found gold. Then everybody on the developed side of the nation wanted a piece of that action. They needed to own the commodity so they could control the flow, reap the benefits of this shiny, precious commodity. Bringing the metaphor home, we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of the capabilities of the internet. We’ve carved out a few sizable nuggets, but we have yet to hit the motherlode. So it makes sense to control it as best you can so when it is uncovered, you can collect. It has not been tamed yet. It’s like my back hair.

3. I am supremely jealous of the generations after mine. That students are going to wikipedia and google for answers is crazy. In my day, I had to go to the library and use a card catalog and talk to someone who smelled like the inside of a century-old hope chest to find the books I needed. And AND I didn’t just get to open the book and go to the answer either. No. I had to look at the table of contents, index, and glossary to try and locate the needle of information I needed in the haystack of potential papercuts. What do they have to do? Ctrl + F. Game over. That’s a load of bullcrap, but it also shows how awesome things like google and wikipedia are.

I am really happy that folks are so eager to defend their rights on the internet. And I am also proud that they were defended for the time being.

But we should also care about the passage of the NDAA .

Vol II, Issue 1

I’ve heard the tales of woe regarding ChatRoulette and Omegle. I feel like I have seen enough wang in my life, why is it that I am taking a chance by going on one of these sites?

Then it dawns on me. This is how the majority of the horny male population greets women on the internet already! So, if you’re a dude and you get a screen full of wang on one of these sites, check yourself. Make sure you are not that dude. Unless, that is, you are trying to make the internet equivalent of a bro hug.

Vlog Deux

I have a reunion coming up. Sketch will be my new other middle name.

Why I can’t have nice things. Part 1

I have a curry stain on my jeans. I noticed it this morning as I checked work emails at the office. This would be okay if it were after lunch and I just got done enjoying the crap out of some yellow curry. It would have been excusable if there were a curry squirt gun bandit on the loose, and I were their latest victim. It would be believable if I peed curry and shook just a little too hard. But no. I had curry days ago, proceeded to wear the same pants for several days after, and am just now seeing the bright yellow stain on my jeans. Color me unobservant.

This presents a handful of social quagmires.
One : Someone notices the stain. Asks about it. I have to explain how I had curry last week and just noticed I was wearing part of it. Naturally, they don’t believe it, and I look like a jackass.
Two : Someone notices and doesn’t say anything and assumes the worst. I look like a jackass.
Three : It draws attention to my bathing suit area. Now we’re both jackasses.

The third issue is clearly the biggest (not because my bathing suit area is herculean, sicko). It’s bad because it stops being my problem and becomes everyone’s problem. See, I’m not a huge crotch starer-at-er to begin with, but you better bet your sweet tomatoes a bright spot of yellow will draw my keen hawk eyes from virtually any distance. I’m amazing like that. But more importantly, it will draw the attention of the unsuspecting at close range. And there begins the awkward exchange where you bear witness to someone else glancing/staring/pointing their cameraphone at your crotch. You want to talk about it, perhaps strike up a conversation about how the stain got there, but you also don’t want to breach that topic. Why? Because it directly accuses that person of looking at your crotch. Nobody wants to be that person — He/She-who-cops-look-at-crotch at the office. No one. That’s how nasty nicknames are coined. Names like Peeking Petey, Perv McGee, Crotchgrabber Maximus, or Crevice Topographer ruin friendships and office morale. So, both of you remain silent about the issue until you see your therapist next.

This is why I am currently pantsless, so I may lick the stain off. I’m doing it so you don’t have to be called CrotchEye Pierce. You can thank me later.

Curry Brings Us Together

“Logic bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Logic never fails”

Who has a better grasp on reality? Someone who continues to educate themselves, or someone who stops where their religious teachings end and the real world begins.

Before I get too much deeper into this, I’d like to say I think that observing different/opposing schools of thought is important, but I would need evidence to trust in any one school. And if you believe in a deity, go ahead and keep doing so. I won’t stop you, but I may challenge the logic behind it.

In discussions/arguments with folks on the Facebook, I have been called ignorant. I have been called a moron. I have been called a sheep. In those same discussions, I was called so by someone who was refusing to read links to articles, scientific journals, and studies (with traceable metrics) I was posting. I was called those names by someone who is adamantly monotheist.

This post is not a rag on theists. That’s for other people to do. This post is about the information one proliferates, and the responsibility to educate yourself when others educating you fails.

Someone tried to tell me that Nazis were atheists. That none of them were Christians, and that Christians did not commit atrocities in the name of their god. I came back with research backing how the Nazi claim was a fabrication (in addition to my own 22 page paper on the rise and fall of Hitler I wrote in college, which they refused to recognize). The second claim was a little trickier to debunk, as they added the modifier “Find something that happened in the name of god in the last 100 years.” Sadly for them, I found several examples supporting that some Christians commit atrocities in the name of their god. Not to mention sprinklings of matricide, murder, and murder-suicide in lieu of the perpetrators’ deity ‘telling’ them to.

They called me a sheep, ignorant, and a moron in reaction.

Those seem like better descriptors for someone who refuses to look at studies that aren’t fabricated, and research that contains evidence that is beyond anecdotal.

My argument in this discussion was ultimately this : “If people want to commit atrocities, they will find any means of justification.” To this, the person on FB agreed, but did not feel that it fit for folks who were Christian.

I submit the following for folks who believe in prayer, wwjd, etc. :
The power of prayer.
What would god/Jesus/Brian Boitano do.

I’m not trying to convert anyone, I’m just hoping that you’ll take the time to broaden your thinking.

Lessons From Vlogging

As  you may have already seen, I made a sad, sorry attempt at vlogging yesterday. I’m not being self-deprecating here. Spoiler Alert : I literally spent two minutes trying to think of something clever to talk about. I edited it down to a little under a minute and a half, to help stave off suicide inducing boredom.

After having embarked on this less-than-marvelous journey in narcissism, I have had time to reflect on my shortcomings, and have formulated improvements to come!

LEAVE MITT ROMNEY ALONE!

Get your list-reading hats on :

1 ) Have a topic –  I probably should have thought of this first, but I didn’t have shoes on and that makes it hard for me to concentrate. No shoes makes me nervous. Regardless, I didn’t have a central focus and it showed. I don’t think I have had that much footage of me sighing since I recorded myself watching the LOST finale. In case you were wondering, I did it for science. I wanted to see what an hour of disappointment looked like.

2 ) Move more – If you know me IRL (as the kids call it), you know I talk with my hands a lot. Which is why I grope people a lot, and why I am no longer allowed within 400 feet of any high school or nursing home.

3 ) Grow boobs – After checking out other established vlogs, I found it was easier to pay attention when the vlogger had breasts. Though, a consequence was I wasn’t able to retain the subject matter. This point of improvement is going to be a tough one for me. I can’t seem to even grow pecs through endless push-up fits. So how am I supposed to grow a bodacious pair of mamms? I’m pretty sure there’s a workout for that. I’m pretty sure.

4 ) Pay attention to pop culture - The majority of vlog responses that didn’t have to do with how ‘my BFF is such a bitch/whore/lamp’ had a lot to do with pop culture current events. Things like Steve McQueen and Michael Jackson, and that big purple dinosaur… Newt Gingrich. It took me about ten posts before I realized that people weren’t dyslexic and that JB stood for Justin Bieber. Before that I thought that people were just really excited about fellatio.

In the future, I plan to do more vlog posts. They will get better, promise. If you want to help me out, put some topic suggestions in the comments below.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some teats to grow.