Vlog Deux

I have a reunion coming up. Sketch will be my new other middle name.

Why I can’t have nice things. Part 1

I have a curry stain on my jeans. I noticed it this morning as I checked work emails at the office. This would be okay if it were after lunch and I just got done enjoying the crap out of some yellow curry. It would have been excusable if there were a curry squirt gun bandit on the loose, and I were their latest victim. It would be believable if I peed curry and shook just a little too hard. But no. I had curry days ago, proceeded to wear the same pants for several days after, and am just now seeing the bright yellow stain on my jeans. Color me unobservant.

This presents a handful of social quagmires.
One : Someone notices the stain. Asks about it. I have to explain how I had curry last week and just noticed I was wearing part of it. Naturally, they don’t believe it, and I look like a jackass.
Two : Someone notices and doesn’t say anything and assumes the worst. I look like a jackass.
Three : It draws attention to my bathing suit area. Now we’re both jackasses.

The third issue is clearly the biggest (not because my bathing suit area is herculean, sicko). It’s bad because it stops being my problem and becomes everyone’s problem. See, I’m not a huge crotch starer-at-er to begin with, but you better bet your sweet tomatoes a bright spot of yellow will draw my keen hawk eyes from virtually any distance. I’m amazing like that. But more importantly, it will draw the attention of the unsuspecting at close range. And there begins the awkward exchange where you bear witness to someone else glancing/staring/pointing their cameraphone at your crotch. You want to talk about it, perhaps strike up a conversation about how the stain got there, but you also don’t want to breach that topic. Why? Because it directly accuses that person of looking at your crotch. Nobody wants to be that person — He/She-who-cops-look-at-crotch at the office. No one. That’s how nasty nicknames are coined. Names like Peeking Petey, Perv McGee, Crotchgrabber Maximus, or Crevice Topographer ruin friendships and office morale. So, both of you remain silent about the issue until you see your therapist next.

This is why I am currently pantsless, so I may lick the stain off. I’m doing it so you don’t have to be called CrotchEye Pierce. You can thank me later.

Curry Brings Us Together

“Logic bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Logic never fails”

Who has a better grasp on reality? Someone who continues to educate themselves, or someone who stops where their religious teachings end and the real world begins.

Before I get too much deeper into this, I’d like to say I think that observing different/opposing schools of thought is important, but I would need evidence to trust in any one school. And if you believe in a deity, go ahead and keep doing so. I won’t stop you, but I may challenge the logic behind it.

In discussions/arguments with folks on the Facebook, I have been called ignorant. I have been called a moron. I have been called a sheep. In those same discussions, I was called so by someone who was refusing to read links to articles, scientific journals, and studies (with traceable metrics) I was posting. I was called those names by someone who is adamantly monotheist.

This post is not a rag on theists. That’s for other people to do. This post is about the information one proliferates, and the responsibility to educate yourself when others educating you fails.

Someone tried to tell me that Nazis were atheists. That none of them were Christians, and that Christians did not commit atrocities in the name of their god. I came back with research backing how the Nazi claim was a fabrication (in addition to my own 22 page paper on the rise and fall of Hitler I wrote in college, which they refused to recognize). The second claim was a little trickier to debunk, as they added the modifier “Find something that happened in the name of god in the last 100 years.” Sadly for them, I found several examples supporting that some Christians commit atrocities in the name of their god. Not to mention sprinklings of matricide, murder, and murder-suicide in lieu of the perpetrators’ deity ‘telling’ them to.

They called me a sheep, ignorant, and a moron in reaction.

Those seem like better descriptors for someone who refuses to look at studies that aren’t fabricated, and research that contains evidence that is beyond anecdotal.

My argument in this discussion was ultimately this : “If people want to commit atrocities, they will find any means of justification.” To this, the person on FB agreed, but did not feel that it fit for folks who were Christian.

I submit the following for folks who believe in prayer, wwjd, etc. :
The power of prayer.
What would god/Jesus/Brian Boitano do.

I’m not trying to convert anyone, I’m just hoping that you’ll take the time to broaden your thinking.

Lessons From Vlogging

As  you may have already seen, I made a sad, sorry attempt at vlogging yesterday. I’m not being self-deprecating here. Spoiler Alert : I literally spent two minutes trying to think of something clever to talk about. I edited it down to a little under a minute and a half, to help stave off suicide inducing boredom.

After having embarked on this less-than-marvelous journey in narcissism, I have had time to reflect on my shortcomings, and have formulated improvements to come!

LEAVE MITT ROMNEY ALONE!

Get your list-reading hats on :

1 ) Have a topic –  I probably should have thought of this first, but I didn’t have shoes on and that makes it hard for me to concentrate. No shoes makes me nervous. Regardless, I didn’t have a central focus and it showed. I don’t think I have had that much footage of me sighing since I recorded myself watching the LOST finale. In case you were wondering, I did it for science. I wanted to see what an hour of disappointment looked like.

2 ) Move more – If you know me IRL (as the kids call it), you know I talk with my hands a lot. Which is why I grope people a lot, and why I am no longer allowed within 400 feet of any high school or nursing home.

3 ) Grow boobs – After checking out other established vlogs, I found it was easier to pay attention when the vlogger had breasts. Though, a consequence was I wasn’t able to retain the subject matter. This point of improvement is going to be a tough one for me. I can’t seem to even grow pecs through endless push-up fits. So how am I supposed to grow a bodacious pair of mamms? I’m pretty sure there’s a workout for that. I’m pretty sure.

4 ) Pay attention to pop culture - The majority of vlog responses that didn’t have to do with how ‘my BFF is such a bitch/whore/lamp’ had a lot to do with pop culture current events. Things like Steve McQueen and Michael Jackson, and that big purple dinosaur… Newt Gingrich. It took me about ten posts before I realized that people weren’t dyslexic and that JB stood for Justin Bieber. Before that I thought that people were just really excited about fellatio.

In the future, I plan to do more vlog posts. They will get better, promise. If you want to help me out, put some topic suggestions in the comments below.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some teats to grow.

Vlogged her? I hardly even knew her!

Ironclad Illogica : Now with Voting!

This is a silly excuse for a post, I know. But the blog now has up/downvote capabilities. Your votes help me decide which content to keep, and which to keep doing in spite of you not liking it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I will keep doing what I’m doing whether or not you like it. Which begs the question why I even enabled voting. It’s not like you come here thinking ‘This needs to be all over the face of the internet.’ You come here (mostly) because I told you to come here. Which in-and-of-itself is the worst advertising method ever, now that I think of it.

It’s a little like the kid who invites you to a birthday party, and warns that if you don’t come with a gift they will swear off you being on their team in Red Rover. Like, for-ev-er.

But I didn’t give you an ultimatum. I guess I told you to come here knowing full well that you were polite enough to be like ‘Fuggit, I’ll go just to shut him up. Maybe I’ll memorize a line or two and say ‘I lawled”. But that’s why we’re friends, dammit. Because we can be disdainfully polite together.

Which brings up another point. Why in the hell is there more than one blog on the internet? It seems like a waste. There should be, like, one blog that everyone goes to and is all like, ‘Wow, that’s profound. I’m really glad I keep coming back to this only blog on the internet.’

I think I’m going to go start a vlog now. Whatever.