I Can’t Wait for ‘Breaking Dawn’ Part II!

I’ve been trying to steer clear of talking about Twilight the past few years. But, I’m finally going to break shtum.

I. Can. Not. Wait. For. Breaking. Dawn. Part. Two.

Mostly so people will finally shut the eff up about Twilight.

Now, I remember when the Lord of the Rings movies were first coming out. People were going coocoobananas about it. I didn’t quite get it. I mean, it was epic and everything, and it certainly looked pretty. But I just didn’t get why there was such crazy hype surrounding it. What I heard from fans of the novels was that they were excited to see the interpretation/adaptation to film of one of the greatest fantasy epics of all time.

I’ll take this time to say that I haven’t read the LotR trilogy, nor the Twilight trilogy. However, I took some time to read passages from each. LotR is written for historians and fantasy fans. Twilight is written to be popcorn. Everyone can consume it, and there is virtually no substance. That said, I haven’t heard any of the fans of Twilight say ‘I’m just excited to see the interpretation/adaptation to film of one of the greatest teenage vampire oriented epics of all time.’ Not one. Not one fan has said ‘OMFG, it is written so well! The imagery and use of vampire rape as a metaphor for XYZCurrentEventIssue is thought provoking and laden with intrigue.’ Not one.

What I get from that is people know that the series was and is a piece of crap, it’s not challenging anyone or anything, and it is essentially a closet guilty pleasure that they feel they should express by having Team Edward sheets and Twilight Trapper Keepers, or whatever.

So, what’s the allure? I see that there’s some dude who gals swoon over. Okay, I can see how that would pull in an audience. There’s teen romance/sex. Sure, I can see another demographic getting into it. And of course, there are vampires and werewolves. Alright. I guess there’s another group of folks. That’s a lot of groups to satisfy with what is essentially a WB series with a bigger budget and less content. Now, if you like it, I won’t knock you for it. That’s a matter of taste. I like some popcorn too. I just don’t like shit all over it.

What I’m trying to say is if there is going to be a huge following for something, I would expect it to be backed for a decent reason. I am not seeing that with Twilight. Perhaps I should watch the movies. Or maybe I should read the novels. But what I’m saying is that as high-a-grossing franchise as it is, I’m effing over it and haven’t even started. I dig vampires and werewolves and stuff. I’m not opposed to romance. But I am not all about every gal I know wanting to role-play as some gal who gets statutorily raped by a glittery dude and eventually giving birth to something that eats through their reproductive organs like it’s Epic Meal Time : Bacon-Womb.

So, please hurry up and finish up your silly film series so you may reap the spoils from oh-so-many easily influenced groups of folks fascinated with what is essentially a rehashing of countless vampire novels by good writers mashed up with the movie Kids.

No, seriously. Hurry up.

BONUS : Found this on comixed.


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