As you may have already seen, I made a sad, sorry attempt at vlogging yesterday. I’m not being self-deprecating here. Spoiler Alert : I literally spent two minutes trying to think of something clever to talk about. I edited it down to a little under a minute and a half, to help stave off suicide inducing boredom.
After having embarked on this less-than-marvelous journey in narcissism, I have had time to reflect on my shortcomings, and have formulated improvements to come!
Get your list-reading hats on :
1 ) Have a topic – I probably should have thought of this first, but I didn’t have shoes on and that makes it hard for me to concentrate. No shoes makes me nervous. Regardless, I didn’t have a central focus and it showed. I don’t think I have had that much footage of me sighing since I recorded myself watching the LOST finale. In case you were wondering, I did it for science. I wanted to see what an hour of disappointment looked like.
2 ) Move more – If you know me IRL (as the kids call it), you know I talk with my hands a lot. Which is why I grope people a lot, and why I am no longer allowed within 400 feet of any high school or nursing home.
3 ) Grow boobs – After checking out other established vlogs, I found it was easier to pay attention when the vlogger had breasts. Though, a consequence was I wasn’t able to retain the subject matter. This point of improvement is going to be a tough one for me. I can’t seem to even grow pecs through endless push-up fits. So how am I supposed to grow a bodacious pair of mamms? I’m pretty sure there’s a workout for that. I’m pretty sure.
4 ) Pay attention to pop culture – The majority of vlog responses that didn’t have to do with how ‘my BFF is such a bitch/whore/lamp’ had a lot to do with pop culture current events. Things like Steve McQueen and Michael Jackson, and that big purple dinosaur… Newt Gingrich. It took me about ten posts before I realized that people weren’t dyslexic and that JB stood for Justin Bieber. Before that I thought that people were just really excited about fellatio.
In the future, I plan to do more vlog posts. They will get better, promise. If you want to help me out, put some topic suggestions in the comments below.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some teats to grow.