Category Archives: Rant

Arguing On the Internet : Or, How to Act Like a Child

I remember my first major research paper, having to write it at high school age. I remember reading the paper requirements for a bibliography, and being outraged that I needed to cite five sources. Now, as a young adult, I can appreciate why I was required to cite my sources, and make sure that they were credible. The reason for this appreciation is the dinosauric sized load of bullshit people post/blog/state on the internet, which is arguably the greatest source of information humankind has access to. When someone bows out of an argument without conceding that they need to do more research, or calling names, or even neglecting a challenge to their statements, it completely undermines learning and progress. If you don’t understand what I am discussing, I provided a few quick examples :

A : ‘XYZ is bad for you.’
B : ‘I’m not so sure about that. What are your sources?’
A : ‘One article that supports XYZ.’
B : ‘But that article is funded by XYZ. Do you have others?’
A : ‘WHAT?! What I’m saying is TRUTH! And I’ll stand by my unfounded claims to the bitter end! I refuse to argue with someone over the internet, and want to spend my energy submitting more unfounded claims!’
B : ‘lolwut?’
A : Ragequit.

The above example is quitting while you’re ahead. It’s like seeing a cow before it’s butchered and thinking, ‘Hey. Magic makes beef, that there is a happy cow!’ But if you stuck around for a couple more minutes, you would be sadly mistaken. So, they quit before you can be taught, learn, or research.

A : ‘The political leader is the source of all our problems.’
B : ‘I’m not so sure about that. Some of our current problems are caused by past administrations and political decisions. It’s called ‘history’ in case you’re interested.’
A : ‘You are a stupid hippy. I am going to delete all of your comments because your ignorance is stinking up my forum, retard.’

This is a classic example of a sister flavor of willful ignorance. By calling names, labeling someone, one immediately dismissing their opinion because it is not their own. Also, I’ve found that more often than not, folks who are namecalling in this regard are frequently describing themselves. It’s quite interesting when witnessed in the wild.

The whole point of my writing this is to help encourage you to check, double check and view many sources before regurgitating an opinion online. What’s more is my request that if you find out you’re not in the right, be humble enough to admit that you need to do more research. It’s perfectly fine; that’s called ‘learning’ in case you were interested. Finally, if you argue like this on the internet, and you are an adult, you are officially less inclined to learn about your topic of interest than a high school student.


Vol II, Issue 3

I have a unicorn. It lives in my backyard. I know you want me to post pics, or show research proving the unicorns can exist, but you will have to email me directly for you to get that information. Posting it here in this public place is not where information about unicorns goes. So, if you email me, I’ll be happy to show you my unicorn, prove that exists, and illustrate the love we have for one another.

Also, horses are bad for you.

Vol II, Issue 2

I have a problem with people who use the word ‘nonsensical’. Not really because there’s anything wrong with the word, but EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU, KURT, AND EVERYONE HATES YOU!

Schrödinger’s Zombie

Skip to timeline.

Skip to updates.

Last week, a brutal occurrence in Florida piqued many of our interests. A man was eating another man’s face, and when police shot the man, he seemed to not care very much and continued dining on the poor victims mug. The assailant was shot again and died. The victim is still alive, but in serious condition.

With all of our talk and waxing about the zombie apocalypse — from television, to videogames, to Facebook posts about who would be the hero and who would be the first to die on one’s friends list — it seems we are absolutely in love with the idea of it. But what’s more is that we are also quite serious about it. And this disturbing news story has made the possibility all that more real.

On the Facebook, someone posted a string of events in May that were in one way or another signals of the zombipocalypse going down. Someone commented on the string asking for sources. I did this below. So if you came for the sources, by all means, skip ahead. But first, I would like to discuss the physical matters, psychological reactions, and finally emotional reactions.

Less than 1% of bite injuries are from humans (source), so all of the recent biting action may or may not be an increase in occurence. My gut says no, though it is remarkable as much of the activity appears to be happening in the same region. As for the chemical, hazmat, and rash business between FL and GA, that’s particularly interesting. The number of questionable occurrences seems high for it to simply be a fluke. And the kinds of physical reactions the public are experiencing are disconcerting. Rashes spread fast, and airborne compounds that can be cause for a hazmat cleanup is problematic. But ‘hazmat’ queues a specific psychological response for me as I instantly conjure up thoughts and images of bioweapons. This response is an important layer to examine.

The world I have lived in has changed dramatically since September 11, 2001. I would argue that is the same for many. Words like ‘terrorism’ pluck subtle strings in some, or rattle roaring chords in others. Regardless, a strong undercurrent of fear came along in the wake of 9/11. And if there is any one group who capitalizes on fear, and has grown to be lethally efficient in doing so, it would be the news and media at large. They are certainly in the business of finding out what the public is interested in, finding/seeking related stories, and capitalizing on the mob. Some examples may include zombie-like activity, creepy chemical scares, etc. The skeptic in me would also like to suggest that sad people and scared people spend more money, buy more products, and increase overall consumption. NOTE : I found no source for scared people consuming more, but some common sense and logic allows me to speculate that folks will buy more non-perishible goods, weapons, and survival gear when a disaster, terrorist attack, catastrophe appears to be immenent. The emotional reactions to frightening news stories are not just limited to sadness and fear, but rather a broad spectrum of feelings.

Novels, movies, internet niches are dedicated to surviving extinction level events for humanity. And for some folks (myself included as an appreciator of sci-fi, et al), news of zombie-like attacks conjure up a certain sick sense of excitement. The zombie apocalypse fantasy many have been romanticizing the past decade can start many ways, and this last month in news certainly would spell the beginning of the end. Again, sadness and fear may rear their ugly heads as the perceived reality of dealing with death on a massive, global scale comes to the stage. That much is almost expected of humans. We’re supposed to be higher-level thinkers and feelers, after all. However, in first world lives that have been increasingly isolated and lacking challenge for our innate survival urges, a change like so would be welcome. A perceived benefit being the catharsis related to killing a zombie; murder that isn’t really murder.

While a zombie apocalypse is a sci-fi whimsical notion, sci-fi often becomes sci-fact, and speculative evidence is appearing in small heaps. It never hurts to be prepared with a contingency plan to the ‘white picket fence’ model that has been so forcefully integrated into dominant first-world culture. In any case, these are interesting times. Sometimes when people hear hoofbeats, they think ‘zebra’ when it’s only a horse. But as my friend Jim says, ‘it’s still hoofbeats, and I’d hate to get trampled.’

The following are ‘zombie-like’ behaviors from May 2012.

5.16 –
High school contamination, hazmat situation.
5.19 –
Sketchy hazmat situation at Fort Lauderdale Airport.
5.21 – **Illinois**
Man bites woman.
5.23 – **San Diego**
Man bites cousin’s nose off.
5.23 – **Georgia**
Hazmat scare on I-285.
5.24 –
Hazmat scare on school bus (pesticide).
5.25 –
Unruly passenger subdued in Miami.
5.26 –
Man eats other man’s face, is unfazed by first gunshot from police.
5.26 –
Doctor spits blood on arresting officer in DUI stop.
5.27 – **Georgia**
Contractor bites Lowe’s employees, resists arrest.

UPDATE : A redditor found pics of the aftermath. Click to see original post, pics are in the header (one of face eaten, the other of the bodies). As a warning, the pics are graphic, not safe for work, and should be viewed at your own risk.

5.28 – Officials at the Institute for Genomic Biology issue a hazmat warning at 8.16pm. After the spill had been contained, and the IGB evacuated, the situation does not get cleared up until after midnight at 12.19am 5.29. All of this occurs after a shooting is reported at 12.05am 5.28, which turns out to be a self-inflicted, non-fatal wound.
5.29 – Man bites two officers during arrest yesterday in Madison, WI.
5.29 – A man in NJ stabbed himself repeatedly and threw his own intestines at officers. Seriously.
5.31 – Maryland student admits to killing roommate, eats brain and heart.

Final Update : It has come to my attention that the meat of this post is really in the timeline. That said, it’s hard to read with all the updates. A new post contains a sole, <a href=””>up-to-date timeline of the perceived zombie apocalypse</a>. Cheers.

Solving the World’s Problems, One at a Time : Vol I Issue 1 | Megan Fox’s Career

My buddy Nick and I brainstorm how to save Megan Fox’s career.
You’re Welcome.

I'm tiny.It seems as though Hollywood has given Megan the finger and told her ‘RTFM OMFG DIAF!!!!1!!one!!!’, so what is going to be the big PR coup that will resurrect her career… or will it take more than that?

Nick's tiny too. WTF IS GOING ON HERE?!

beverly hills chihuahua 2, and subsequent accidental death and ressurection in the span of 3 days.

actually. no. scratch that. you ever see the movie ‘Punchline’? with Tom Hanks and Sally Fields… they pretty much hook up and are the romantic couple for the movie… flash forward, ‘Forrest Gump’ where Sally Fields plays Tom Hanks’ mom… if there were ever a movie to bridge the gap between the two, Megan Fox would have to do it.

Teensie weensie.

Transformers: Zeo Ninja Force Plus Alpha

It’s 30xx and Megaman just got butt-humped by Optimus Integer. 1000101011 (Megan Fox) is sold into slavery by her uncle Owen and her aunt Anakin. Before being transported to the final oasis, Las Atlantis Falconbreath, 1000101011 is suddenly and heroically rescued by the transformer Fumblewasp Hogherpes. Safe at the Transformer HQ, Optimus Integer reveals to 1000101011 that she is the key to the Allvibe – the source of all happiness and wetness on Prince, formerly the planet known as Earth. However, the Decepticons are well awares of her powers and wish to extract it through violent sensual massage (read: tenticles). The HQ is attacked by Decepticons, led by Ultratron, and 1000101011 is punted like a football across the oasis-scape. A pterodactyl swoops in and fetches her out of mid-air and brings her to its nest. 1000101011 wakes among ginormous eggs and panics. The pterodactyl, in a milky Scottish accent, reassures her that everything is going to be just fine, and the Autobots are on the way. She asks how it could know such a thing, and the pterodactyl removes its dermis to reveal it is Sam Witwicky (Shia Lebeauf). Sam Witwickydactyl also reveals that nearly two thousand years ago, he ate one of Mikaela’s ovaries after getting drunk off of Allspark. The result was a tremendous explosion, and the folding of time. Finally, he goes on to explain that he is not only her former lover, but her father, grandfather, and mother. In the final scene of the film, Ultratron farts and 1000101011 disintegrates. The End.

You don’t know me. But I know you like kittens.

You could stalk me, sure.

I have plenty of information scattered all over the interwebz, and if you really wanted to know something, you could find it, I’m sure.

But with all the information, I find solace in anonymity. I find that what I really am is not contained in the words on a blog, a micro-blog, a tattoo your mother refuses to show you. I am a many tailed beast with talons. Huge effing talons. Ones that Zeus would look at and be all like, ‘DAIIIIIIIIIM BOYEEEEE! Those are some bitchin talons!’ Zeus is down for talons like that. Little known fact.

I digress. I think that people flip the eff out when they finally realize what it is to be on the internet. That is, as soon as you set foot in the abyss, you begin to leave fluorescent footprints.

You then have two choices:

Panic like everyone else, and give in to the media fear monster.


You could ruck up, censor yourself a bit, and use your effing head.

Some people take another route. They simply remain ignorant to the implications of their internet presence, and hurt themselves and others in the process.

As a for instance, take little Jimoan. Jimoan just got a Twitter account, got out of college and is about to go searching for a job! Everyone is stoked for Jimoan as the world is wide open; full of opportunities for folks like Jimoan! Ohemgee! Jimoan doesn’t understand the mighty power of Twitter and begins to post really silly things.

‘I’m on the couch. lol’

‘I’m eating toast. rofl’

‘I’m looking at cat pictures. omfgroflmaortfmbbqirl’

Then Jimoan gets sassy and begins posting very personal things.

‘I’m on the couch counting all the money I just took from an old lady on her Rascal. I punched her in the eye. lol’

‘I’m eating toast after smoking the fattest bowl of marijuana in the history of history. rofl420 I also sell to minors.’

And who could forget the classic

‘I’m looking at cat pictures while scheming chatrooms for underage girls and doing lines of coke off a panda’s shorn ass. ‘\.=. roflmoar15getsyou20!’

Jimoan had a successful interview with Company Sarc. They enjoyed how Jimoan was really down with new things, and how they didn’t wear tennis shoes to the interview. Jimoan was a shoe in for management and was already up for a promotion even though Jimoan didn’t even have the job yet! That’s really something, Jimoan!

But what Jimoan didn’t know is that Company Sarc also looked at applicants and their online presence. Company Sarc was disappointed when they saw Jimoan’s profile pic on Facebook was of them holding a gun to a puppy. The puppy didn’t even have a collar! Company Sarc was also disappointed in Jimoan’s latest tweet ‘I am going to face fuck the shit out of this company I just interviewed for. Hello embezzlement, goodbye selling Meth to elementary school kids!’ They were also sad to see that their MySpace profile sported a video of a sneezing panda. For shame, Jimoan. For shame, indeed.

Jimoan didn’t get called back by Company Sarc. Instead, Jimoan turned to huffing ozone, got Ebola, and began eating brains — effectively beginning the zombie apocalypse.

So, before you go and update your Twitter with how much you are going to drink at work today, think about the pending zombie apocalypse.

Trust me, you don’t want to be that person, highALLday420wEdsmOkR69